Category: Personal

Personal posts to me

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Tired

I've been tired this week with work and all.  Nothing at all is going on at work.  Nothing important anyway.  Doing much of what I'd do at home, only much (much) less productive.  I can't program or do anything (but answer tech support and read news).  Since money from E-Blah comes from upgrades and and new versions — I won't make much off of it this summer.  Oh well.  What's worse is when I get home I have 4 to 5 hours to do … something.  I can't program because if I start something I like to finish it that night.  I'm too tired to do anything on top of that.  I guess I have weekends.  Weekends are full, though.  I wish I had someone to talk to.  Guess complaining about that won't change anything though.  I see as much drama at work now as I did in high school.  That always makes life happy.  It reminds me of times past … but back again.  Maybe some people just don't grow up.  Maybe.  *sigh*

If weakness is a wound
That no one wants to speak of
Then “cool” is just how far we have to fall
I am not immune
I only want to be loved
But I feel safe behind the firewall
Can I lose my need to impress?
If you want the truth, I need to confess

I’m not alright
I’m broken inside, broken inside
And all I go through
It leads me to you, it leads me to you

Burn away the pride
Bring me to my weakness
Until everything I hide behind is gone
And when I’m open wide
With nothing left to cling to
Only you are there to lead me on
Cause honestly, I’m not that strong

I’m not alright
I’m broken inside, broken inside
And all I go through
It leads me to you, it leads me to you

And I move, and I move, and I move…closer to you
And I move, and I move, and I move…closer to you
And I move, and I move, and I move…closer to you
And I move, and I move, and I move…

I’m not alright
I’m broken inside, broken inside
broken inside, broken inside
And all I go through
Leads me to you, leads me to you

I’m not alright, I’m not alright, I’m not alright…that’s why I need you

I'm Not Alright – Sanctus Real

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Things I Hate

Today I was getting my daily dish of news (first from Drudge Report and later from SRN).  The headlines was the "NSA Wiretapping" thing.  I think USA Today has been living in an area of the world without Internet, TV, or radio for the past six or seven months.  The news that "broke" today was "broke" months ago by the NYT.  It was as stupid then as it is now.  Nothing has changed between then and now.  What's even more foolish is how people get in a hissy fit about this.  Are people so ignorant they don't even read the full article?  They're tracking phone numbers to see the incoming and outgoing calls, making sure it's not going to terrorist organizations (not getting your address and name, etc).  I highly doubt they'll care if you take to your wife or girlfriend about dinner.  It should be clear: they aren't using it for anything more … they aren't breaking down all the druggies doors, are they?  It's not cross-America tracking.

Traffic doesn't bother me.  Other people that love to go 20 MPH over the limit tick me off.  I'm going the limit (and sucking down less fuel in the process) … if I slam on breaks, I don't want to have an Intrepid plowing into me.  Why can't people obey to law and just go the limit?  When passing people — and going over the limit — always try to check for cops.  Don't start edging past and then see the cop and slow down 10MPH under the limit.  The cop might pull you over for going to slow.  Be smart — go the limit.

Murder.  I guess it's obvious, most sane people should hate murder, right?  Well, most do.  The guy that was in college, going to research a cure for cancer.  He was given the cure, he was going to college to be able to prove it and put it to use.  Sadly, this was one of the 47 million people killed 21 years ago by "abortion" (you can't really "abort" a life).  Even worse is there are people trying to put legality to the murder.  It's not a right to murder someone.  I guess I honestly got a pure hatred for it when I listened to the JHOP podcast a week ago.  The one that got me was the girl who lost twin brothers by abortion.  It's an evil practice and it shouldn't be stopped, it MUST be stopped.  Why are people so blind?

Liberal propaganda is lame and much (most) of it is evil.  They accept ideas that go in direct opposition to the Bible.  Abortion.  Homosexuality.  List goes on …

Text books that use the words: bigot, fanatic, dogma, etc.  If you want creditability — never use these words.  It makes you look like an ignoramus.  You're going to make people read your propaganda anyway — why use words that discredit all your work?  Personal blogs don't count.  Don't put it in a text book.  Especially if you want people to believe anything you say from that point forward.

Scientists who are still stuck on trying to prove things that have been disproven countless times look funny.  It makes them come off as coo-key.  After a while, you'd think they'd try to come up with a better "solution" to the earths creation (while, of course, still trying to disprove the provable).  Come up with something about more than, "oh, it was millions of years".  Not all are so funny — some are serious and further technology and do things worthwhile — like find cures for things.

Loneliness.

I think that's about all for now.  I'll have to post the things I love one day.  I don't hate the people doing these things … I just hate the actions of these people.  Just wanted to make that clear.

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Class, Phone, Church, Food, and Holiness

My classes are all set.  I guess.  I'd really like to change the Lit II class to Lit I, but I'll keep trying.  Perhaps one of the 26 people will drop the class.  Perhaps.

I got a cell phone yesterday.  One step closer, I 'spose.

I start work on Monday, 15 May.  Ah, I can't wait to hear all those wonderful discussions like I did last year.  Those always gave me something to write about.  They did last year anyway.  Hopefully I'll tag along more this year.

I've got to go to the church tomorrow and … do something?  I'm not entirely sure what I'm going to do just yet.  We laid carpet yesterday and put an air vent in the nursery today (ok, I watched more).  I'm technical.

Next week marks the last days of the Spring semester.  One year of college is gone.  It went by incredibly fast.  I think this was just a breeze year.  Next year just looks hard, maybe it won't be.

I went to the commissarry yesterday and helped pick out groceries.  It's not too bad, because I get to pick what I like.

I found this really good quote tonight:

Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket–safe, dark, motionless, airless–it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable. – C.S. Lewis

"Destruction is certain for those who say that evil is good and good is evil; that dark is light and light is dark…" – Isaiah 5:20 (NIV)

I added the last quote 'cause I like it.  I heard it on the radio on Wednesday and really liked it.  The sad part is this: if we're making evil moral and moral evil, there's coming destruction because we're doing exactly what this verse says.  Ah, we've got to get back to holiness.  Psalm 93:5 says, "your statutes stand firm; holiness adorns your house for endless days, O LORD." (NIV)  We've got to "worship the LORD in the splendor of his holiness" (Psalm 96:9 NIV).  We've got to understand what Isaiah spoke:

And a main road will go through that once deserted land. It will be named the Highway of Holiness. Evil-hearted people will never travel on it. It will be only for those who walk in God's ways; fools will never walk there. Lions will not lurk along its course, and there will be no other dangers. Only the redeemed will follow it. – Isaiah 35:8-9 (NLT, emphasis added)

We've got to get on that Highway of Holiness. All other ways are traveled in vain. This doesn't mean that roads already traveled that are void of God are sometimes used by God for something good though …

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Registering

This is lame.  I go and register for my classes and they're closed.  What's up with that?!  It's only been a week (week today) after registration started.  I didn't know fall registration started until someone told me.  So far I'm taking Biology, Literature (a part II of a class — not sure I can do that?), Calculus 1 (not fully registered with that yet …), and some Information Systems class.  I'm not sure how it's going to work yet …

I went to the Tallassee Spring Show last night.  It was about as good as watching a 3 star made for TV movie.  Not bad, but not great either.  I think the best one I went to was about two years ago.  Too many slow songs about how they gotta have a girl or guy (very little change there too).  Typical, though.

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House

I started reading "House" yesterday (by Frank Peretti and Ted Dekker).  All I can say is: wow.  I finished it in two days.  I believe that's a record.  I believe.  How can I write without giving away the ending …

The ending ties the entire book together.  There's lessons to be learned that are so well hidden until the very end that it's enough to leave anyone just … speachless.  Just speachless.

I watch "The Visitation" tonight.  It was good, not like the book very much.  I liked the book better, but I did enjoy the movie.

I'm going to try to go and register for my fall classes tomorrow.  I hope I can get there before he goes to lunch — and I hope it's quick and easy (unlike last time when I had to wait for days and weeks).

A girl will come.  Possibly when I least expect it.  I'm not looking for someone to go out with … I'm going to wait for the one I'm supposed to marry.  It may be a few years.  I may meet her tomorrow.  I don't want to worry, and I hope I don't have to …

The light came into the darkness, and the darkness did not understand it …

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Spur of the Moment

Tonight was a spur of the momentmovie night.  I hadn't expected to watch a movie, but it happened.  I was trying to find some information on something and came across a TV webstream (that was in great quality) that was showing the Left Behind movies.  I've saw the first two, I watched the second one again tonight.  The movies are great.

I have a thousand thoughts in my head right now, but no real idea about how to convey them to [readable] text.

I drove the family to my aunts house tonight.  On the drive over there my dad (who reads my blog) started talking about how I need to talk more and talk to some girls.  It's difficult.  This week's been mildly difficult.  I'd liketo have a girlfriend, sure, but there's a lot of questions too.  I've picked up that there is one girl in each of my classes that are Christians (not positive about History).  It's kind of weird though when you see someone and then you see that they're married (or engaged — either way, they have a ring on).  I'm not that concerned with finding a girlfriend (/wife) so much.  It's depressing not having someone to talk to sometimes, sure.  When she comes, she comes.  So far, I'm not that sure I've saw anyone at AUM that I really could like that much.  There's a few that I could talk to, but I'm not sure about date.  Grr.  I don't know.  Whatever happened to it being a gift to be single?  I don't want to be for a long long time, but right now that's where I am.

I'm tired.