Growing Up

Today’s been diffrent … or has it? There are times when something hits you and you just want to go back to an earlier point in your life. Nothing big has happened. There just comes a point when you think back at an earlier point in your life and think about what ever happened. I miss being a kid, not because I fear growing old, but just for the purpose of being a kid. I remember so many points in my life. I remember when I went with my class to the zoo, way back in Italy. I remember going to my friends house who’s name was David. I remember those things. I remember Amber (which I still can talk to her, but I don’t near enough). I don’t really want to go back, but I wish I could still have some of the relationships with friends that I had then. I remember my friend Brian from Alaska. I remember a girl from 2nd and 3rd grade. I remember a girl I liked for the greater part of 3rd grade — Rachel. Relationships have come hard since about 3rd grade. In Colorado I never really had a best friend the second time I lived there.

Right now I don’t really concider anyone I know my “best friend”. I don’t even know what a best friend is anymore. It’s not that I’m not looking for one, or maybe that’s it: I’m not. Maybe I’m guarded and don’t give people enough to have friends. Is that it? I don’t know. I’m not depressed or anything about it, I just wish I knew answers. I wish I had a best friend, someone that I could call and talk to and go places with when times just aren’t going great … but I don’t. The people I know the most are online and live nowhere near me. I don’t like to be alone. That’s just the way I am. I can’t say why, I don’t know why. That’s why when I go to college, I’m not leaving home.

I’m diffrent. I love being diffrent, but sometimes diffrent hurts. You know people can be so friendly sometimes … but they can be so hateful behind your back. That’s life, sure, but why do people do that? I never, or try to never, talk bad about someone … esspecially if they look at me as a friend, I would never talk about them. I know I probably have a bad outlook on some things. I think negative more than positive, I’m sure I do, but why is that? I don’t mean to. Sometimes it’s like I see people so narrowmindedly. But I don’t mean to. Some guys I just want nothing to do with because of how they treat other people (most notebly their girlfriends). Some I don’t want much to do with because they’re pretty much druggies. The problem is, the guys left … where are they? It’s like I don’t know anyone that don’t do those things. It’s just as hard to find girls the same way it seems like. I don’t know. I just would like a friend that’s focused on God … that lives around here … I know it’s not that much to ask. Anything is possible with God. Where is he? I want friends that are girls too … where are they?

Moving along.

Tonight I watched the movie I recorded last night — 13 Going on 30. The movie was great. I enjoyed it. Of course it was a chick flick and made for girls anyway, but I enjoyed it. It made me think. I think all movies make me think though, so that’s nothing new. lol

I have this headache and wish it would go away. It’s very mild, but very bothersome. It’s also really humid in here and stickey. It feels so nasty.

2 Replies to “Growing Up”

  1. Very interesting. I can relate to your friend crisis and not wanting to leave home. heh. I like staying at home, I dont know, its good to go out and stuff, but deep down I have this insecurity of being by myself in this world. heh.

    As for the girl movies, I cant help ya there. Maybe some counseling will help you 😛

  2. Hey man don’t give up, just keep praying and God will listen. He has a plan that we don’t always know about so there could be a bazillion friends coming next week.

    I agree with you though. I was never Mr Popular because I pretty much didn’t make friends with anyone else. Yeah, I talked to some people – but only on a few occasions did I do anything with people from school outside of school. And those occasions were lan parties. I found some computer geeks who were into coke and not drugs (which btw, I am still addicted to coke – so much so that someone made a speech at my wedding and one of the things he learned about me was that I loved coke. And of course my friend from high school came up after and was like DUDE I SO DID THAT TO YOU and I was like yeah man I’m so addicted)

    So anyways, I agree it is hard to find people who you can trust and who aren’t all jerky and such. Even the friends I have now can be lame – but you gotta remember that we all have our faults and so it is easy to get into a reject mode and then be like eh I don’t want to be friends with anyone..

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