I’ve not posted much in the past month or so, and I guess I may offer a little explanation here.
Lately it has seemed like there’s a struggle for me to trust God. I think I’ve always been a pretty trusting person (with anyone and everyone), but maybe not with God. Often times I just take someone’s word for things, and trust that they’ll follow thru with what they say. Most of the time it works out that way. There’s been a few times it hasn’t, though. Anyway, I wanted to share that first.
Several weeks ago one of my friends, Catherine, asked me what was one thing I wanted to see before I died. I’m not sure why I was so quick, because normally I would hesitate over a question like that. This time I didn’t. I told her that I would like to see my prayers answered. I wasn’t talking about the selfish “I want a friend” prayers, I meant the ones I’ve prayed over this city. If there’s one thing I want to see, that’s it. I remember many months ago praying over each and every person in my graduating yearbook (all the classes and teachers). What I want to see is each of them see God and his Holiness fully. Not “church” and not “religion”. God. Maybe that’s a selfish want, but I think it’s my only want — sometimes the only thing I live for.
Now, lately I’ve been doubting God. Not who he is, but just that he’s in control. This can be combined with what I talked about first; however, this is a little different because it’s more like the “give up faith (Christianity)” type doubts. Some are even just leave the church I’m in (I like my church).
I’ve been evaluating my negativity on things. Perhaps this ties in with the amount of news I used to take in. Maybe it’s just generational. I’m not sure. But I’ve been evaluating it, but haven’t changed much I don’t think. I want to be positive though. I guess when I think positive, it sometimes seems to worst happens. That’s kind of a positive negative though?
I try not to get as caught up in the news anymore. I remember a few months ago on Fox News Channel, all I saw was mudslinging (by the left) and avoiding of the questions (from the right). It made me sick, and I don’t think I’ve watched an hour of news since then. I still like to see what’s going on, though. I’ve also found out that if I want unbiased news, the best place to look is at the raw data. Media write ups sometimes distort the truth. If I’ve lost faith in anything, it’s unbiased news. Also, never look for anything warm hearted in the news. If they aren’t mudslinging, then it’s not going to be on the news most of the time. Not all news is bad, but getting too caught up in it can be bad.
Along those same lines, I’m disgusted by how people suddenly switch sides when they lose. I’ve heard lately that “Republicans left values voters”, and are now praising Democrats when just a few weeks ago they were touting Republican values. It makes me sick. It’s like a guy hoping his team wins, but when they lose they go buy the other teams jersey so people won’t look at them and pick on him because his team lost. I don’t want to get too political this time, but I’m still a straight ticket-Republican, and unless they became John McCainish, I’ll hope to remain that way until the day I die. The innocent souls that have been murdered by abortion still cry out. Another day without justice.
Next, the Old Testament. Maybe I’m just reading a little too hard, but most of the “old law” is in the Torah (the first five books of the Bible). Now, I fully understand the characters in each of the Old Testament books were under the old law, I do not get where people think that God somehow changed between then and now. I’ve saw it often lately, if something is quoted from the Old Testament, everyone wants to get on the bandwagon of “that’s the old law, it doesn’t apply to us”. If there’s one reason why we are where we are today, this might be it.
I think some of the best parts of the Old Testament are 1st and 2nd Samuel and 1st and 2nd Kings. I don’t think you can fully understand who God is without reading those four books. There are so many different themes there, for example about how to fear God, have a heart like God, and the list can go on. The New Testament fully agrees with the Old.
When God left and rejected Saul, why did he do that? He called and appointed Saul to his position. Why did David have a heart of God, yet he went and committed adultery and (to an extent) turned his back on God for a year? Saul pursued God at the beginning, yet when God rejected him he had disobeyed God countless times (in a sense, rejecting God). Did Saul do wrong the entire time? Of course not, God appointed him there. I believe he wasn’t sincere in his repentance, while David was. That’s why David was a man after God’s own Heart.
Why did David kill the man who said he killed Saul? Because Saul was God’s appointed leader. David had a reverent Fear of God. He even had chances to kill Saul, but refused to do so because Saul was God’s appointed leader. God put him there, and David would not speak evil of Saul. This still applies today. There have been several different men of God that’s been in the news over the many years, and I always try to be careful not to speak evil of any of them — even if I don’t agree with what they do. God could have appointed them, but just like Saul, they could have became corrupt.
I remember a few years ago I went to a church and I didn’t feel right there. I went a time or two and just didn’t feel right. However, I went one Sunday and I did feel right. It was different speakers each times. I remember telling my mom I didn’t feel right about it, and she later told me she felt the same way. Now, I passed by where the church was a year or so later and the place was gone. My mom pointed it out, and the person with us asked about it and I said the church was wrong. Almost instantly, I knew I was wrong (and my mom pointed out the wrong too). While the church may have had a false teacher, that didn’t make the people or the other leaders ungodly, nor did it mean that they were not appointed by God.
There are also ways to approach people like this. For this look at Samuel, who was obviously in constant communication with God. Did Samuel go and discuss it with his friends (and thus the world) and say “this man is ungodly”? No, actually he told David he was to be the next King of Israel. I think we should be very cautious in this. Like the man who said he killed Saul, you may also die.
Anyway, there’s just a few things that’s been going on lately that’s been heavy on my heart and mind … and some of the reason why I’ve not blogged much lately …