Life and Love

There comes a day when life and love collide. This should be every day, yet so many times we, as humans, tend to mix love with so many other things. Love isn’t sex and how long you talk to someone. Love isn’t knowing someone. Love is something that can’t be expressed in words. It can be shown, by all of these, but this isn’t Love. Love is something undescribable. Love isn’t a feeling. Feelings lie. Feelings change. Love never fails. Love never demands it’s own way. When life and love collide, what could happen? Who would fall to their knees in sobbing and weeping? Could anyone possibly sit there as if nothing occured?

I think all too often we, myself included, look at so much other things and look to so many other things that really isn’t worth giving my time of day to. There comes a day though when all we want is change. When we find there must be something more, but what is it that we’re looking for that we don’t have? We’ve done everything else. We’ve had the sex, we’ve done the talks, we’ve done everything … but were is the love? Does love just come from doing these things, or does love come from something else? Life is so much more than acting wild and being crazy. What is it though?

We look so many ways fo something that we don’t need. We think that “if this makes me feel good, it must be good”. What if what feels good is wrong though? What if what makes you feel good today makes you tremble tomorrow when you’re holding the phone? I’ve been there, and I’ve been here.

Right now I feel like I have butterflies, but they’re like burning. It’s the awesomest feeling, yet at the same time there’s something that makes me want to just let any emotion that I have out. I see people with open hearts that are so beautiful, but like a face pushed to the ground and stepped all over, so has their heart been. Their hearts are so broken. They look to other things for what they want. On movies they show sex, it looks like they like it. It looks like nothings wrong with it, and that no one really gets hurt. What if they only show one side? What if sex does hurt more than one person? What will happen when they’re holding the phone trembling because of what was said? Will doing whatever feels good really benifit anyone?

Whilst I’ve never smoked, nor have I never drank, or even done drugs … does it make me want to? Will that make me feel better on those days when I feel so bad? I’ve been on several sides of the road, and sometimes I feel like I’m on the dirtroad going in the wrong direction. God in all his grace has set me free, yet sometimes I feel like there’s something missing. I’ve done the deed, I’ve done the act, and all I can say is that in hindsight — which always seems 20/20 — it was wrong. What felt good at the time didn’t hurt me at the time. It tried to destroy me. Had I continued on the course it would have. While I might would have been successful in the workplace, I would be longing for love that couldn’t be found in sex or anything else. I’ve noticed a few things about getting to know someone, loving someone, and never touching them once — you really love them. It’s not lust, it’s love. Pornography doesn’t bring love, sex doesn’t bring love, nothing we can do can bring love. Sex isn’t a display, showing, or even an act of love, unless you really know them. Not just saying you know them, but really getting to know them. It’s not any of that until you and the other can wait until marriage — no matter how hard that may be. That’s the problem though — it is hard. It’s possibly the hardest things in live to do — waitting for marriage to have sex.

There are hundreds of zombies walking around all around us. They claim they feel perfect, yet they’re dying inside. No one knows it but them, no one knows what they’re going through but them, no one has ever experienced what they’re experiencing. There are other people though. They’ve been there. There’s no reason to stay at home in their rooms with their head in their hands. There is someone who loves them. There are other people who have went through what they’re going through, and some pull out of it, some stay in their own prision poisioning themselves by their own self-hatred. Why, though? Is this really the way to live? Does life really feel better when you cover it up with sex? Sex is so awesome, it’s something that’s beyond what human imagination can imagine. What makes it awesome if everyone knows what you’re like in bed though? Is there anything awesome in that?

Sure, your going to have sex and of course you’re then getting married. When, though? You’re sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, nineteen, twenty … you’re still caught up in all of the drama elsewhere in life and imature with other things to ever be making such a rash descision. Very few are mature enough to handle marriage comitments at the age of eighteen or nineteen, though some are. If you’re too imature to wait to have sex though, are you really mature enough to handle marriage? A lasting marriage at that? What will happen when ten weeks from now she breaks up with you? Will there be another girl to treat the same way, to go and have sex with and tell her the same stuff you told the other one? What happens when he breaks up with you? Will you still believe the stuff that he told you? The truth of the matter is, there are very few lasting marriage that occur with highschool sweethearts. When you’ve been with two people, does that really make life more satisfying? What happens when you’ve given your hear away to five people? I’ve been here, I said marriage, I was engaged. The engagement lasted four months. Truth of the matter is, I never loved her. Our relationship was based on more of lust than anything — on both sides. So what’ll happen when that call comes? Will you run to another relationship? Will you consol with friends? Will you drop to your knees and cry out to God? Or will you just sit there, and wait to die.