Complaining

I’m don’t want to complain, but it’s hard not to sometimes.  Every day it’s like another day made lame.  I’m here with nobody.  Maybe if I compromise things would be better, but that’s not me.  I guess I’m strongwilled in that area … or something.  Put straight, I’m sick of living here.  Just sick.  It seems like everyone is set in their cliques and to enter into theirs you have to fit into it some sort of way.  Maybe I’m wrong.  Maybe I haven’t given this city enough chance.  I can count on one hand the number of “good” things that I’ve learned (or succedded in) since moving here.  Honestly, I don’t want to be.  Ever.  I’d rather have no friends here, than a bunch of them that have no common sense (as most don’t, it seems).

The best thing I can do now is just smile, and act happy.  Inside, though, I’m not even sure.  It’s a cross between so many feelings right now.  I wish everything would just pass, and I could rewind five years.  I guess what it is, is that once you’ve been at one point and are slingshotted back a few thousand feet, it’s kind of like dying, only you still live and long to be back where you once were.  At least at the origin you had people you could confide in (even if they weren’t the best of friends).

I probably should go to a good course, such as The Furnace, Masters Commission, or twentyfourseven.  I doubt I ever will.  I probably need it, but I doubt I’ll ever go.

I’ve been thinking about just saying no to “looking”, “trying to look”, “bothering to look”, “not-bothering to look”, etc. for a girlfriend/wife/whatever.  Paul said it was better to be single.  If I make the statement public, that’d mean that anytime I were asked, told, etc. I could just say “I’m not trying or wanting to date”.

I’ve learned to drive my car — alone — to all social events now.  This way I can get there, sit down, eat, and leave.  Not sit down, eat, and bore myself to death.  No one socializes with me, I’d rather be at home doing something more … productive.

It’s almost time for church, so I guess I need to stop typing all these (lame) thoughts.

Little Posting

I’ve posted very little this month.  I’ve been tired, and really haven’t had much things really on my mind (worth actually posting).  I went to bed at 7:30 last night, and fell asleep almost right when my head hit the pillow.  Currently, I’m at church in a baby shower.  Here comes the last gift as I type.  It’s for a couple in our church.  I’m anti-social, again.  I like one on one conversations, not conversation in groups.

I’ve been working a bit at work lately.  I’ve made my job a lot easier, so I’ve been able to knock out what I have to do relatively quickly.  I’m so glad I know programming — it makes life so much easier.  We have a laptop issue tomorrow.  I just hope I won’t be speaking (one on one, that’s how I like it).

I started reading a chapter or two of the Bible every morning, I got through all of Romans (which is a book I love).  I skipped around today, but I’ll probably start 1 Corinthians tomorrow (which is one of my favorite books, as well).  I’ve almost finished my other book — The Burning Heart Contract.  I’ve been listening to several podcasts almost every morning before work and every afternoon after work.  Over the past week or so I’ve been listening to a new podcast from my old church in Colorado Springs, The Desperation Podcast.  They’ve been going through one of A.W. Tozers books, which I plan to one day read.  I’ve read a good bit of Tozer and like him pretty well.  A good quote I heard this morning was by Aaron Stern — are you consuming God, or are you being consumed by God?  I’m going off of memory, so it may not be a verbatim quote.

Anyway, I think we’re about to leave, so I guess I’m going to go for now.  I’ll try to post something more interesting in a few days … maybe.

Oh God, Oh God I Need You!

When I got tired of running from you
I stopped right there to catch my breath
There your words they caught my ears
You said, “I miss you son. Come home”
And my sins, they watched me leave
And in my heart I so believed
The love you felt for me was mine
The love I’d wished for all this time
And when the doors were closed
I heard no I told so’s
I said the words I knew you knew
Oh God, Oh God I needed you
God all this time I needed you, I needed you

Relient K – I So Hate Consequences

I want to go to sleep.  I can’t get these thoughts out of my head.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

Psalm 23:4 (KJV)

I’m selfish.  I’m worrying about this, while there’s an entire city not caring a thing in the world about it.  In a heartbeat: over.  Gone.  Nothing.  Evil pervades the darkest corners.  About life I go — not caring a thing in the world for what’s around the corner.  “No idea what to do”, I say.  Yet all the while the person down the street is dying.  Completely oblivious that there’s life after death.  Suffocating.  Dying.  Yet, I eat and worry about my own self-absorbed issues.  Prayer?  It’s rarely thought of.  Like the thought of dying.  Out of sight, out of mind.  “Never”, we say, “I’ll die at 75 of natural causes”.  All the while, they die the next day.  Ended.  Gone.  In an instance.  Heave or Hell?  Not the words: the place.  Never fully understanding there was life after death …

Legal and Illegal; Stealing and Purchasing

A couple of weeks ago someone asked me a simple question: “where do you get your music”. The simple answer I gave was, “iTunes, buy the actual CD’s, or use Urge”.  The response was: “oh, wrong answer”.  In the meantime someone had overheard his question to me and stated that, “Hey, if you want any music just let me know”.

This sets me up for the topic I’m about to discuss: legal verses illegal; stealing and purchasing.  I hope that the last response wasn’t thought out before being said, because in all honestly: it’s wrong.  When you purchase virtually any piece of music it’s illegal to make copies for anyone other than yourself.  If I said that I’ve never downloaded music illegally, then I would be lying: I have.  After I was convicted of it, it took days to find what I had bought (or had downloaded legally, as there used to be a lot of legal downloads on artist websites).

A common misconception is that when you purchase a piece of music it’s “yours and you can make copies of it”.  Wrong.  It’s illegal.  You can make copies for yourself (for example: I rip all my CDs to the computer since I’m on it most of the day).  It’s quick and easy to make a copy for your friends, just copy and give.  Doing that is causing someone else to sin and the Bible states in Luke 17:2 (NIV) that “It would be better for him to be thrown into the sea with a millstone tied around his neck than for him to cause one of these little ones to sin.”  It would be better for him!  We must not go with the easy way!

I currently have an Urge account that I can download as many CDs as I want (and listen to them on the computer only) as long as I pay 9.95 per month.  Honestly, that’s not a bad deal considering I stay on the computer virtually all day.

I guess this begs the question: Is letting someone borrow my CD(s) okay?  Honestly, I would say this depends.  Are they going to make a copy of it?  If so, you’re probably better off not even giving them the chance.  The Bible says we shouldn’t steal AND to obey the laws of the land.  In a since, when we “sharing” music with other people, we are breaking the law, and we’re causing the “sharee” to steal the music.  In this day it’s easy to do.  That doesn’t make it right, though.  I believe most try to justify their sin (in this area specifically) by “everyone else is doing it” or just simply “I didn’t know it was wrong” (when in actuality, many do know it’s wrong and are TRYING to be completely ignorant to the fact, or ignore their consciousness).

I could rant all day about this, but in the end it comes down to this: are you going to live for God, or live for self.  There are no in betweens.  Giving people music because they want them to “have something to worship to” isn’t a justification to sin either.  Sin is sin.  There are not justifications.

Finally, something a little off subject.  Yesterday as I was reading my new book (which is very awesome), “The Burning Heart Contract” by Becky Tirabassi, something jumped out at me that she said.  She was wanting to speak to students about committing to an hour in prayer each day, but found that the team she was with didn’t take too fond of the idea.  She states:

But the team thought it was a far too time-consuming and guilt-producing discipline to ask students to consider.  Their rejection of my idea made me feel–true or untrue–as if they considered me legalistic.  One thing I continue to learn about possessing a burning heart: if God calls you to deeper levels of prayer, purity, and purpose, you might be misunderstood as legalistic and will often stand alone. (“The Burning Heart Contract”, 114)

I think her assessment sums up everything beautifully.  And that’s what’ll have to close this post out.

Smooth Talking …

This past week has went by pretty quick.  I had to work Monday, but I got off Tuesday for the Forth.  I drove the family to watch fireworks.  It was a pretty good 30-minute show.  I didn’t get home until around 11 (and I didn’t fall asleep until 12).  I’ve been reading a new book I got call, “The Burning Heart Contract” by Becky Tirabassi.  It’s very good so far, although I’m not too fond of the 21-day reading (I like a sit-down and read it all, kind of book).  It’s been challenging though, as the book is about committing a certain set of time each day for the rest of your life to prayer and reading the Bible.  I recommend it highly … remember though, it may cost you.

I’ve got another month-and-a-half left until the fall semester starts.  I’m sort of ready for it to start.

Over the past three or four days I’ve got “invitations” for MySpace … being sent to an e-mail address I don’t use publically that much.  It doesn’t even show you who it is, either.  After the fourth one or so, I decided to tell them to block my e-mail address.  Hopefully I won’t get anymore spam from them.  I met several people through the site when I was a member.  Facebook is great, I’ve only met one person through it though (and she was from one of my classes).  It’s just hard to meet new people.  When at school, people have the phone stuck in their ears most of the time.  It makes me wonder how people did 15 years ago when there weren’t any cell phones.

“Prayer in the Darkness” was pretty good.  There’s already another one scheduled for the 22nd of this month.  I should have called the sign up sheet a “Commitment Sheet”.  I may do that, actually.

I’ve been getting sick of politics here lately.  There’s several African Americans on the GOP ticket this year (more than any other year, for any party, I should add).  This is a great thing.  Slowly, but surely, this group of voters are finally seeing who wants the best for them.  The sad thing is, many of their leaders (ie: NAACP) want to keep them poverty stricken.  However, there are an increasing number of up-and-coming black leaders that are making considerable headway, and quite frankly, their sick of the garbage the DNC has thrown at them.  The DNC knows this and is terrified.

The next part of politics is the democrats have succeeded in keeping DeLay on the ballot.  In other words, the GOP can’t replace him with another candidate.  Anyone with a brain (which seems increasingly hard to find in the world of politics), will tell you this is both unfair and dishonest business.  They’ve already trashed his good reputation with things that have yet to be proven.  He’s not even living in Texas anymore.  I’m hoping the Texans have a brain and do the right thing — vote straight ticket Republican.

Finally, the fact that government secrets have a “right” to be leaked.  If we’re attacked again, it won’t be anyone’s fault but the leakers and media.  The leakers are, by all means, committing treason (read definition number 2).  The media is relaying this information to the terrorists (and those who are pretty violent towards the US who are living in the US), committing espionage.  The US Department of Defense Dictionary states:

The act of obtaining, delivering, transmitting, communicating, or receiving information about the national defense with an intent, or reason to believe, that the information may be used to the injury of the United States or to the advantage of any foreign nation. Espionage is a violation of 18 United States Code 792-798 and Article 106, Uniform Code of Military Justice.

Unfortunately, there’s little chance that anything will be done about any of these incidents.  It’s sad that in America you can get away with this type of stuff.

Finally there’s the people out there that are sad that Ken Lay died in his home before getting to go to prison.  There’s people that wish he “suffered” in prison.  People need to learn that vengeance is the Lord’s.  Unless we were the jury or the judge, we have no right (what so ever) to judge what should, or should not, happen to this guy.  Those that lost money, they need to understand the art of forgiveness.  Life isn’t fair.  Things blow up and don’t go our way — those are the times we’ve got to learn to forgive and keep going.  However, if everyone did this, there wouldn’t be a need for News networks, governments, or anything else.  And politically correctness wouldn’t be a part of that society.

I wasn’t wanting to get too political, but I suppose I did.  I’m tired of watching the news and seeing smooth talking liars leading good people down a dark, deadly path.

A Year of Blogging

A little over a year ago, I started blogging.  At first, my blog was private and wasn’t placed on this domain (RevolutionReality.com).  I had bought the domain back in 2004 but never used it for anything productive, so I eventually migrated it over.  I started this blog on June 28, 2005.

Recently, I’ve been trying to advertise this site on more blog related sites.  Hopefully I can boost up my readers as that’s one of the reasons I post.

That’s the update for today.  To “celebrate” a year of blogging, I leave you with my personal favorite blog posts of all time.

Things Left Unsaid

This is easily one of my favorite songs of the year. I wasn’t about to post it, but I keep loosing the website I find the lyrics at, so I decided to post it …

It’s just a matter of time a few days ago
I saw you, you were fine
Remember what you said about the book you read
The one I got you at the beginning of the year
Oh, how we talk for hours upon end what I would give just to do it again
You’re lying there in this hospital bed
Won’t you open your eyes and lets talk once again

If you fly away tonight
I want to tell you that I love you
I hope that you can hear me
I hope that you can feel me

If you fly away tonight
I want to tell you that I’m sorry
That I never told you
When we were face to face

Well I’ve been here all night
And I’m watching you breathe in and breathe out
Is it really you or just a machine that’s giving you life
And its making it seem that there could be hope I could say to your face
If it weren’t for you there would be no grace
That’s covered my life
You took the time to speak into my mind and heart words of light

So goodbye for now
And I’ll see you again someway somehow
When its my time to go to the other side
I’ll hold you again and melt at your smile
Now all I have all the words that I’m with
And you taught me not to take for granted the time that we have
To show that we care
So we give to the mind and the hearts while they’re here
Say I love you

“Things Left Unsaid” by Disciple

I’ll try to post something a little more thoughtful in the next few days …

Edit: Ryan comments to say that Kevin Young of Disciple wrote this song for his grandfather. You can watch a live version of it on YouTube.