Category: Personal

Personal posts to me

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Tired

I’ve had pretty good day. I’ve been restarting the website I started about six months or so ago, Revolution Reality. I hope to keep it going this time, and I hope it grows into something more than just a basic website.

I watched another movie tonight, this time it was The Bourne Supremacy. I already watched it on the big screen, but it came on Starz so I watched it again. It’s a pretty good movie.

Tomorrow is work. I’m suppose to be moving to the Circle Team, so I might actually be doing something … although I might not. Either way, I’m not complaining. I enjoy working there.

There are so many things on my mind and heart right now it’s almost overwhelming. I have no idea what to say, how to say it, what to do, nor how to do it. It’s like bleh. I’m tired of just sitting here following the flow. There comes a time when I’m just so tired of “ho-hum” and I want to go and just do everything I’m called to do. That’s the problem though: what am I suppose to be doing? I’ve asked God with no reply. Maybe my reply is just following on the path I’m going now. I’ve been listening lately, and it’s like even some Christians are against the God I love. I may be called to be a Jeremiah (as in the Biblical one). There are times I see people and just have compassion for them.

There have been times lately that I don’t know if I even want to go to college for computer science anymore. I believe I am suppose to, as I believe I’m going to be used in that area one day, but I really would like to pursue God and follow Him. I’m so confused as to what I’m suppose to do right now. Really I’ve just realized that as I’ve been writing this. I hope God opens a door for something soon. Right now if God called me to go somewhere, even away from home, I would go. This is the first time I’ve actually had that feeling. I don’t want to leave home, but maybe that’s what God wants me to do. Maybe I’m in the areas I am now so I can step out of certain comfort zones that are keeping me bound. I know I’ve totally had to step out of several comfort zones in the past 3 weeks that just one year ago I thought I never could do.

Right now I’m ready to just run. There’s a song by Nichole Nordeman called What If:

What if you jump?
And just close your eyes?
What if the arms that catch you, catch you by surprise?
What if He’s more than enough?
What if it’s love?

The song isn’t exactly in the context I’m using it, but right now I just want to jump and not even worry about anything. Just jump.

I believe I’m going to listen to something from New Life, and then get in the bed, so I’m out.

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Growing Up

Today’s been diffrent … or has it? There are times when something hits you and you just want to go back to an earlier point in your life. Nothing big has happened. There just comes a point when you think back at an earlier point in your life and think about what ever happened. I miss being a kid, not because I fear growing old, but just for the purpose of being a kid. I remember so many points in my life. I remember when I went with my class to the zoo, way back in Italy. I remember going to my friends house who’s name was David. I remember those things. I remember Amber (which I still can talk to her, but I don’t near enough). I don’t really want to go back, but I wish I could still have some of the relationships with friends that I had then. I remember my friend Brian from Alaska. I remember a girl from 2nd and 3rd grade. I remember a girl I liked for the greater part of 3rd grade — Rachel. Relationships have come hard since about 3rd grade. In Colorado I never really had a best friend the second time I lived there.

Right now I don’t really concider anyone I know my “best friend”. I don’t even know what a best friend is anymore. It’s not that I’m not looking for one, or maybe that’s it: I’m not. Maybe I’m guarded and don’t give people enough to have friends. Is that it? I don’t know. I’m not depressed or anything about it, I just wish I knew answers. I wish I had a best friend, someone that I could call and talk to and go places with when times just aren’t going great … but I don’t. The people I know the most are online and live nowhere near me. I don’t like to be alone. That’s just the way I am. I can’t say why, I don’t know why. That’s why when I go to college, I’m not leaving home.

I’m diffrent. I love being diffrent, but sometimes diffrent hurts. You know people can be so friendly sometimes … but they can be so hateful behind your back. That’s life, sure, but why do people do that? I never, or try to never, talk bad about someone … esspecially if they look at me as a friend, I would never talk about them. I know I probably have a bad outlook on some things. I think negative more than positive, I’m sure I do, but why is that? I don’t mean to. Sometimes it’s like I see people so narrowmindedly. But I don’t mean to. Some guys I just want nothing to do with because of how they treat other people (most notebly their girlfriends). Some I don’t want much to do with because they’re pretty much druggies. The problem is, the guys left … where are they? It’s like I don’t know anyone that don’t do those things. It’s just as hard to find girls the same way it seems like. I don’t know. I just would like a friend that’s focused on God … that lives around here … I know it’s not that much to ask. Anything is possible with God. Where is he? I want friends that are girls too … where are they?

Moving along.

Tonight I watched the movie I recorded last night — 13 Going on 30. The movie was great. I enjoyed it. Of course it was a chick flick and made for girls anyway, but I enjoyed it. It made me think. I think all movies make me think though, so that’s nothing new. lol

I have this headache and wish it would go away. It’s very mild, but very bothersome. It’s also really humid in here and stickey. It feels so nasty.

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New Way To Be Human

Another day in the life of me. Exciting, huh?

Scho … wait, I ain’t in school yet. Work, ah work, was pretty good today. It was so much warmer in there … actually, it was my jacket that we helping keep me warm, but that’s besides the point. The military had the day off today because of the 4th of July things going on, so I had nothing to do — as did the other guys I work with. At about 1:40PM or so, we all being bored, decided to play boxball. If you don’t know what the office game, boxball is, then keep reading. 🙂 You get this box, a Cat 6 network cable box, to be exact, and then set it with the hole upright. Then you get 4 balls that are all diffrent types (like some bounce … and then some don’t — like the hacky sac), you get those balls and try to make the really small hole at the top of the box. I never mad it, but I didn’t play much — I just watched the other 5 to 7 people do it. I think 9 people did it in all or something. Pretty cool. We played it for … oh … about 40 minutes. And then it went back to boredom. But hey, it was 2:20, and that meant 30 more minutes and I was out of there. I got in early, so I left early.

I got home … didn’t do much … we left to go back to Montgomery at around 5:40 or so. The reason? Star Wars was showing on the base theater. It’s cheaper, and hey, what else did I have to do? Exactly. It was just as good the second time … just as sad too, though. I went with my dad and brother, Jonathan.

Tomorrow I’m probably going to Montgomery again to watch War of the Worlds. I’m not sure who I’m going with yet, though. But what’s new there?

It’s July 1st … wait, it’s almost July 2nd … either way, it’s July now. Just 2 days until our fine nations independence day. Before the movie tonight they ran our National Anthem (as it’s an Air Force Base). The hair on my arms always raises when I hear it. I just can’t comprehend what those people did while the British were attacking Fort McHenry. And a guy, Francis Scott Key, who was opposed to the war wrote some of the most powerful lyrics ever written about a nation — in what’s now our nations anthem.

And the rockets’ red glare, the bombs bursting in air,
Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there.
O say, does that star-spangled banner yet wave
O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave?

If that flag had fallen, our nation would have fallen, and all that is today would not be. Our troops, our founding fathers, they deserve are respect and admeration this 4th of July. Parents lost their children then, but they were proud. They fought until they died to create, the protect, to keep this nation from the oppression it left. They fought so we could be free — and our flag, our banner, it waves.

I’m struggling to keep my eyes open, so I think I need to head on bed.

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Digital Cable Television

A new day. New days are for diffrent things. Okay, that’s lame. Moving right along to discussion …

Today was a little better at work on the ice box side … I went out one a ticket for about an hour or two so that makes work fly by and also makes me stay normal temp throughout most of the day. So it was good. I get to leave at 3:00PM, so I’m normally home by 4:00 (7 to 4). I’m hoping I can get something setup where I can work there while in college or something, as that would really, truely, be the optimal workplace, for various reasons. I love the laid back enviorment there.

When I got home I had to help clean the pool. My parents drained it and then refilled it after cleaning it. It was pretty nasty, but I got there right when they were getting done so the worst of the filth was out of the way before I got there.

I then went upstairs and checked out our digital cable which was installed today. I must say, it’s pretty nice. We get the Starz channels amoung a little over 100 other channels. It’s pretty good as we went about 3 or 4 years with no cable what so ever. I like the TV Guide, it’s nice to be able to see whats on instead of waiting for that TV Guide channel which has some of the worst programs and all that you must listen to. I put a nice little lock on the TV so R, M and NC-17 programs are blocked. 😛 Gotta put a password in to watch those programs. 😉

My internet just went out, which is ticking me off. It goes off sometimes and doesn’t work for a while …. makes me very mad. Esspecially when you had something you wanted to do or look up … but then find out you can’t because the thing isn’t working. The cable company gave some bogus answers today as to what the problem was. One, of which, was “connect it to your computer”. I can’t because it’s binded by MAC address and my NIC’s MAC address isn’t the one on the wireless router (which is actually spoofed with my old NIC). Then they said the CAT-5e cable might not be good … which is bogus because I just changed it. But hey, I know they don’t know much … they just read some books and are sent out to do installs when they’re really not qualified to do such. lol 😛 So I don’t blame them, I just wish they could fix it.

Ah good, it’s back on now. 🙂

I’m listening to the church service I didn’t get to listen to last night, so I’m gone.

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Long Day

Today’s been pretty long, I guess. I woke up at a nice 5:20 AM, and was off to work by 6:06 AM. Work was … well … it was work. I like it, it’s great, but there is one thing I dislike: the air conditioning. It bothers me, and it bothers me bad. The huge A/C unit never shuts off. I mean never. It was on the entire day today. It’s probably between 50 and 65 degrees in the room (I’m tempted to bring a thermometor in there to actually see the exact temp).

Anyway … enough about that. 😛

I went off to AUM today to schedule my classes. I’ll be taking Pre-Calc, English, Music Appreciation (have to have a fine art), and American Government. It sounds pretty cool I guess. I’ll be going to school Monday thru Thursday 9:30AM to 12:15PM. Not too bad, not too bad. Orientation is August 18th, 2005. Classes start August 22nd, 2005.

When I got home from there, guess what I got in the mail? My letter from Emma. Emma’s so sweet. 🙂 It came all the way from Canada … it took about 7 days total to get here. I’ve already wrote her back. For those that don’t know, Emma’s someone I met from Firestream. She’s one of the coolest girls I know. 😀

Well, almost time for bed. 🙁 I was wanting to listen to something from New Life Church tonight, but have no time. 🙁

I should also mention Tim Linden‘s blog, which is one of my friends and who also hosts eblah.com for the masses. 🙂 Very good man. He just recently got married to his forever girlfriend Natalie … who also has posted a few things on his blog.

Well, it’s 10:03PM … that means: bed time. Or, I “should” get in the bed but probably “won’t” get in the bed for another 30 minutes … but still. I’m out!

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New Blog

I finally got around to making me another blog … I’ll try to edit it more often (as I have time, of course :)). I’ll post all sorts of junk … just have to wait and see what exactly.

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Been Busy

I’m not going to post much today. Sometimes the days seem to be so packed full of just anything and everything. It’s not too bad though. I get off of work at 3:00 now … for this week anyway. I really haven’t done much but just sat there and looked at websites (because there is not support tickets … so … I just sit and do that). I’m definatly not complaining. It’s not that bad, just gets boring sometimes. 😛 Oh, it’s also cold too. The A/C units are NEVER turned off. And I’m right under an A/C vent. It’s not that bad … just need to get out sometimes and thaw out. 😛

An interesting convo I overheard today. Someone was talking about someone else saying they weren’t a Christian because of something they did, and then this other person was “reassuring them” that they were “indeed” a Christian or whatnot. Now, I know I shouldn’t … but I just had to analise this. Before this person ended their conversation it was ended in “I know I’m a Christian … but … blah blah blah”. That got me to thinking … if you “know” you’re a Christian, then why add more after? It’s kinda like, “I know this because …” like “let’s reassure MYSELF that I am one”. That lead to further thinking … maybe people that say that aren’t Christians. Do I know who this was talking? No. Have I even met the person? Nope. So I can’t judge, nor am I, but I was just wondering why are they arguing and reassuring each other they’re good if they already KNOW they’re Christians?

Next comes a conversation with a “Christian” buisness owner who does “devotion” time before work each day. However, after this “devotion time” comes curse words left and right. Alright, I understand if they fly out sometimes (actually I don’t, because I can control my tounge, so I believe they should be able to as well) … but is this setting ANY sort of GOOD example for Christians? Heck no. It makes us as a whole look bad, and literally drives people away from wanting any part of it. It’s like “wow, I thought this person was diffrent …”. Now sure, this person could be a Christian … but wouldn’t it be pretty bad if they get to heaven and hear the words “I don’t know you” and the person jumps back with “but I spoke in your name”? It’ll be pretty bad for a lot of people … and these people will have the worst knowing they thought they knew Christ, but fell short. Just something to think on. You might not think cursing is wrong, but others see it as “filth” (as someone from work said) … and YOU’RE suppose to be an example for them. Getting by just because your so simpleminded and can’t change just a LITTLE for God is pretty shotty after Christ gave his life for you. Again, something to think on.

Now ….. time to get to other tasks on my agenda!