Category: Personal

Personal posts to me

Posted on

New Things Come in Time, Part 2

A month has gone by since I’ve wrote the post about changing my “list”.  I said I was going to change my list, but I believe what I’m going to do is think more about what’s important and all.  The past three weeks have probably been some of the worst of this year, and I would rather not touch it right now.  It’s coming down to this: I’m trying to find someone, when I really don’t need anyone right now.  This is going to be a long entry …

If there’s one thing in my life I’ve not given over to God, I think this area of my life is probably it.  I’m not being patient about it either.  I’m trying to force something that really, at the moment, I do not need.  I do want to get married one day; however, right now that’s getting in the way of everything else.  I’ve been living in denial about it.

I’m not sure where to go from here.  I have ideas, but I’m not sure how to type them out, so I’m not going to.  I’m just going to try to trust more and worry less.  I guess it wasn’t so long after all …

And then there’s this, which I happened to just stumble upon.  Great.  Confused.  Again.

Posted on

The Calm Before the Storm is Over

Over the past few weeks I’ve just be very depressed. It seems to be getting heavier, but I may just be over thinking.  I know a few other people who have been more depressed here lately too.  It’s not just depression either, it’s deeper.  I can’t place it, but I hate it.  That’s all I know.  It’s doubt about a lot of things, but the doubt has come in unconventional ways.  It’s complicated to explain.  I believe I’m going to leave it at that for now.  It’s just confusing.

Something has to change, and soon.  The calm before the storm is over.  The eye is moving closer.

Posted on

Cry Out to Jesus

When you’re lonely and it feels like the whole world is falling on you
You just reach out, you just cry out to Jesus

Cry Out to Jesus, Third Day

Third Day, Cry out to Jesus singleThere are those times, those times when it’s like everything is going directly against us.  We all have those times where it feels like the weight of the world is closing in on us.  We’ve got something pulling us one way, but then we also feel this pulling to just hand it over to Jesus.  It’s not always easy.  It’s often times hard.  It feels like we’re the only one in this hole.  It’s often times easier to believe that we’re the only one who has ever went through loneliness.

It’s easier to believe that lie.  It helps us to grow more numb to the pain.  How can we be lonely?  Maybe a time of solitude is a time of growing character.  Maybe it’s a time to see who we really are.  I’m not really sure why we go through times that we feel lonely.  Maybe it’s because God is trying to pull us closer to him.  The great Prophets of old had to go through times of loneliness.

I think that during times we feel lonely, as the song says, we just need to cry out to Jesus.  Just cry out to him to take all loneliness and fill it with Him, because he’s the only one that can fill all loneliness.  It’s hard to have the faith sometimes, but He is always there.  It may not be instant. It may take a while, but He still loves us.  His Holy Spirit fills us.  We’ve just got to hope.  “There are three things that will endure–faith, hope, and love–and the greatest of these is love.” (1 Corinthians 13:13 NLT)

Posted on

Movies and Life

I’m glad this past week is over!  This will be a two day week, so I’m happy for that.  So …

The girl that rear-ended me didn’t have insurance.  I’m not sure where it goes from here, but I’m guessing the state will do something.  We have to fill out some paper for the state.  It says they’ll verify we both had insurance.  I’ve got to get an estimate soon, so I’ll probably try to get that done Tuesday since I don’t have school.  I’m not really worried about it, I know it’ll all work itself out.

World Trade Center 2006 MovieI went to the 9:55pm showing of World Trade Center last night with Jennifer.  How can you really put into words movies like this?  The movie was good.  There were many moments that were really sad.  I think people need to see this because many people seem to be quickly forgetting what happened on that day … and that it can happen again.  If we don’t learn from History, we’re going to repeat it.  It rarely ever fails.  It merely repeats itself, and with gradually more devastating loss of life.  One of my favorite parts was when Dave Karnes, a former-Marine, went to his church and told his pastor he believed he was given a gift to help with the efforts, after which he went to help at ground-zero.  If it weren’t for his efforts, there probably would be a few less people alive today.  It was an awesome story, and one we should always remember — for fear of forgetting.

Posted on

Prayer in the Darkness

I left the house at around 9:10pm last night headed to the church.  While I was halfway to the church, I just said to myself that I know prayer works.  Maybe that’s what started last night.

I’m not sure how to explain it, but after the first Prayer in the Darkness a few months ago, I lost faith in it.  I’m honestly not sure if it was faith or hope, or just my attitude (or a mixture of all of those).  Secretly, I’d been putting more stock in the actual turnout than I was on the purpose of the night.  Since the first night, I’ve been learning (more or less) that it’s not really about the numbers.

With all of that said, I started last night completely different.  While the actual Prayer in the Darkness doesn’t start until 10pm, I got there at around 9:15pm.  I wasn’t about to let numbers defer what the focus of the night was.  I was there for one thing, and that was for prayer.  I’m not sure I could tell what the first song I turned on was (it was a David Crowder song, though).  I’m not sure how many times I went and adjusted the sound (I think it was three times, though).  I’m really not sure how lame I looked (not going to comment about that).  I also decided after I had been there a minute or two, that I wasn’t about to stay in my box the entire time.

So that’s what I did.  I moved out of where I’m always at and did what I’m better at doing.  I didn’t even think about the numbers before service.  I just knew that when everyone else got there, I wanted God to already be there — and I didn’t want to be so enveloped in something else to completely miss it.

To make a long story short, it was the largest turnout ever, and I believe know that walls were broken.  It was the first time where I wish there was room for one more hour … at least.  And everyone left smiling?  At midnight?

September 23.  That’s the next Prayer in the Darkness.  One night at a time, this cities walls are crumbling.  That city on that hill over there is going to be known for what it’s meant to be soon (soon) …

Until next time …

Posted on

Lessons

The first week of school is now over.  Most of the classes seem to be decent.  The only class that I don’t think I’ll like at all is a computer class.  I don’t think she (the instructor) likes Google.  It’s basically the same class I took last semester, which is lame.

Someone hit my car yesterday.  I’ll have to take it to a body show.  It was at the dangerous intersection of Taylor Road and the I-85-west off ramp.  We were both okay.  I just want to get my car fixed.  I don’t like having anything wrong with it.

Prayer in the Darkness is tomorrow night at 10.  I hope people come.  Something I’ve had to learn is that there may not be a lot of people, but never to be discouraged.  It’s easy to get discouraged, though.

This past week has been busy with the release of a new version of E-Blah.  It’s been a little bit of a pain this time, as there were several problems at the start.  I’ve fixed just about all of them right away, though.  I just didn’t have enough people to beta test before release.

I’ve really been enjoying my Urge music subscription.  I’ve found so many new CD’s and artists that I would have otherwise never listened to.  Ten dollars a month may seem like a lot, but when compared with buying several CD’s every month that costs the same amount, it’s well worth it.  Currently I’ve been enjoying Jessie Daniels, Decypher Down, and Fireflight, among others.  One of my favorite songs right now has to be “You Decide” by Fireflight.  The music video made me fall in love with it all over again.

Someone told me not so long ago that one of the reasons why it’s good to get out of Tallassee sometimes, is to see joy.  I guess I wasn’t so sure what was meant by that … until this week.  Maybe I wasn’t paying attention.  Maybe I was overlooking it.  I’m not really sure, but I’m beginning to see that what this person said was true.  Maybe everyone’s just hopeless (or feels that way, I should say).  I went to several places in Tallassee this week and the people were just so down.  I went to Wal-Mart today, for instances, and the lady checking me out literally looked like a zombie.  I’m not sure what needs to be prayed for first — things broken (such as drugs and religion) or fruits of the spirit (love, joy, peace, etc).

Something I have been learning recently is attitude and how I look at things.  When I first walked into English class (late, I might add) and realized it was British Literature, I could have turned off and just said I’m going to hate this, or I could go in with the mind set that it’s going to be interesting.  So far it has been interesting.  It’s attitude though.  I wonder if I just have a bad attitude about a lot of things, so that’s something I’m going to try to work on getting out of. I don’t want to make pre-judgements about anything — people, things, places, ideas, etc.

Posted on

Run or Hide

It’s 11pm on a Saturday.  I had a pretty full day today.  I went to Auburn with the family, then washed and cleaned some of my car, and then went to Starbucks with Jennifer.

We listened to one of the sermons from theFurnace on the way to Montgomery and back.  It was “Methods of Grace” and was about praying the scriptures.  It’s one of the sermons I really enjoyed.  I enjoy a bunch of them though.  On that note, I need to start doing the things he said.

I’m going to keep with my list, I think.  I’m not going to make it something above what it’s meant to be though.  It’s guidelines.  It’s what I want for the long-term.  I know there’s someone out there, I’ve met one or two.  They’re just harder to find, I guess.

I’ve decided to wait on a new computer.  I have the money, but I need to save some up.  I think that’s the wisest thing to do right now.  Also, I think the parts I want are just going to keep going down.  On top of that, I should probably wait until Windows Vista is closer to launch.  So far, I’m liking XP better though, as it’s easier to get stuff done — it’s more efficient for a computer programmer.  Vista is a pain to get simple stuff working.

I’ve been trying out Windows Live Writer, which is a program that lets you post to your blog.  I love it.  It’s quick and simple.  It does everything perfectly fine.  The last three entries have been written with it.

I wish it were easy to write all the things I think out.  I started this at 11pm, and it’s now 1am and I’ve not wrote anything about what I really want to write about.  Nor will I.  How lame.

I meant to mention this about three or four days ago, but got side tracked: recently the messages from New Life Church has been like a mirror of what I hear the next week or so at my church.  Really there’s just a few main scriptures that I associate with them, which has been cool.  So far it’s been pretty much about grace.  Perhaps it’s coincidence that I listened to “Methods of Grace” (David Perkins) series and “Living in Graceland” (Aaron Stern) series at almost the same time.  Maybe it’s not.  But they were released almost right after the other.  Sometimes it feels like they go one ear and out the other.  I hate that.  I pay attention, but sometimes it’s not something I really remember for an extended period of time.

I’ve been thinking about Passion ’07 again.  Just thinking, though.

I guess it’s better if I just get to bed now …