In a previous entry I spoke about who I’m looking for in a future wife. I later said I was probably going to add to that list, and so that’s what this entry is for.
First things first, for those that do not know me, I’m quiet in person. I study and learn, and more importantly, I listen. I listen to people. I see things that happen, I hear the problems other people are having in their relationships. I learn different things during these times. Some of these points have come about simply because of things that I’ve heard and came across and find that I really don’t believe is characteristics of a healthy, loving, godly relationship. So here’s how it all starts.
My wife must be a Christian. This is the first and most important thing about who I’m going to marry. There must be a love and a zeal for God, and it must be evident by the way she lives and others people should see, by the way she lives, that there is something different about her. This would lead to good morals, good attitudes, and clean godly lifestyle. This also means that she holds nothing against anyone, and thus lives in forgiveness. I believe that all eight of the fruits of the spirit should be evident, or at least growing evident, in her life — love, joy, peace, patients, kindness, goodness, gentleness, self control. I want my wife to be clean of moral hazards that wreck the lives of people in today’s culture, this includes sex, drugs, television, music, images, and various other forms of media currently out there.
All of this, I believe, will lead to my wife having self respect. She’s respect both herself, but also those in authority over her — pastor, parents, government, and boss. Respecting herself includes the way she dresses, speech, acts, and serves.
My wife will not have jealousy running rampant in her life, this will carry on to also mean that she’ll not want, or feel the need, to manipulate myself or others to get what she wants.
This leads me to the new things I’m going to add. I’m not removing, but more downplaying the moving part now. I really want to settle down and live in an area where I settle down at. If that means move before then, then that’s what it means. I’m believing God for this one. Money issues have also caused me to think. I’m someone who saves money and doesn’t spend it if I don’t have the money. I also don’t believe too highly in having my wife work, although I wouldn’t object if she wanted to work (as long as we don’t have kids). I believe in stay at home moms, and I think this is the way it should be. I believe that the money I make, that it’ll be able to support my family after college, with one job, without having to resort to my wife working.
Now, that’s what I’m looking for, and this list is God’s list. It’s impossible, true, but I serve the possible, Almighty God. To put a twist on all of this I want to add what I hope to be to my wife — a strong leader following those in authority over me (Christ, Pastor, government), love her, cherish her, make her feel special (even in those times she feels down), support her in her goals and ambitions, be there when she feels no one else can or will, pick her up when she falls, make her laugh, make her cry those joyful tears, and just be the person, the man, she’s never had or never thought she could find.
That’s all, it’s a short list (or is it?), but that’s who I want my wife to be, and that’s who I want to be to my wife.
Update 1 (December 26, 2005): Whomever I marry must not use a cell phone on the first four dates (after that — used in heavy moderation). I hate cell phones with a passion.
Also, I’ve thought a little more about personality, my wife must be a little more outgoing than I am (this does not mean loud and obnoxious though, and it doesn’t mean she doesn’t know what being meek is).
Update 2 (December 31, 2005): My future girlfriend, fiancée, and wife will love Christian Music and not listen to any secular music (any at all, actually).
Update 3 (January 11, 2006): My future girlfriend, fiancée, and wife must be real. What do I mean by that? I mean that when she’s around me, she doesn’t act differently than when she’s around her other friends. I’m completely open, honest, and sincere with everything I give, so I feel she should be also. If she says she’s shy — she should be shy. If she says she’s outgoing, be outgoing. I’m not going to marry a superficial young lady. If she’s outgoing, I want to know her that way. If she’s shy, I want to know her that way. If she feels I won’t accept her for who she is, then who is she? If she’s herself, she has nothing to hide but herself. That’s who I want to see. The woman God created her to be. Not some mirror image of someone she perceives as “perfect”.
Update 4 (April 13, 2007): Update to the second update. While “must love Christian music” stays, I believe that if she’s lost in God, she’ll be able to discern what is right and wrong in terms of what she listens to. Also, the length of time she has been a Christian is obviously something else to take into account.
Secondly, I do not want anyone to think these are “she’s got to be this way”. While these are good, admirable qualities, I know that she may not have them all “perfected”. I’m not perfect on any of these, and even fail at times myself. I also know that she may be a newer believer. While she has to be pure, I do not think the distant past should be judged. I want her to be growing in God and learning the things God is speaking to her.
Update to the first one, I don’t fully hate cell phones. I still don’t think they should be used on dates (of any kind), for more than a few minutes max. There’s a point to where it’s past “okay” to the point of rude. I realize dating can be nervous, but cell phones shouldn’t be a way to get over that nervousness. I understand emergencies and phone calls from family.
As for update number three, I was basically just saying I want my date to be herself and not feel like she has to impress me or anything. I’m already impressed if I’m taking her out.
